I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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