watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
