I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
