Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
