I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
