at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
