I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize