sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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