Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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