I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
