hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize