porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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