he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
