by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
