Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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