someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
