was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
