I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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