hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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