69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
