My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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