You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
