Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
