theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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