I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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