You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
