he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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