my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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