you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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