there's paper in my vomit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
