If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
