as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
