38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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