We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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