we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
