from now on my penis is your penis
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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