I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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