I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
