CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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