Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
