I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
