We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
