Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
