let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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