so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
