I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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