how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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