In America we eat man semen.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And then he peed in my hair
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