youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
