yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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