All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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