I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
