Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize