unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
