Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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