Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
third nipple confirmed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
