I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
