I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
