I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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