I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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