You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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