i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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