you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize