I want to make a zoo with you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
