If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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