Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
