well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
