If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
