dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
