Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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