Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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