he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
