i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
