my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
