"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize