So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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