Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
