so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
