Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
