I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
