maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
