Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
