Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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