so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
