I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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