FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
